“I’m a paramedic. Losing two babies has made it clear what my purpose is.”
Sandra’s story of pregnancy loss
Sandra Lyall has learned how to sit with both joy and fear.
With two pregnancy losses, she says the experience has impacted her both personally and professionally.
“I’ve changed. I’m stronger. I advocate for myself. And when I’m working and respond to a call involving a pregnancy issue, how I interact with the patient is so different,” explains Sandra, who works as a paramedic in the Greater Toronto Area.
Her first child, now a healthy and happy three-year-old, was delivered at 41 weeks. She recalls her obstetrician cheerily saying at her follow-up appointment, “We’ll see you for your next little one!”
When Xander was 18 months old, Sandra and her partner were thrilled to see a positive pregnancy test. Everything was going smoothly until her 20-week anatomy scan.
“They told me my cervix was gone, and I was already dilated,” she says, adding that within hours she delivered a stillborn boy at a downtown Toronto hospital.
After the delivery, Sandra explains the traumatic whirl of events, from being handed her baby, Miles, to planning a funeral quickly. “Nothing prepares you to go from what you assume is a healthy pregnancy to holding your baby and planning a funeral for them,” she says.
Sandra learned that during her first delivery, where she pushed for several hours and eventually had a Caesarian section, had lacerated her cervix.
Back at work weeks later, Sandra and her partner responded to a call. A woman delivered a baby at home, and the infant was without vital signs. Sandra recalls doing compressions on the baby, all the while remembering her time with Miles. As more first responders began to arrive, she turned her attention to the mother.
“I knew I had to make her feel safe. I know how gut-wrenching it is to lose a child,” explains Sandra, who says in that moment she understood what her purpose was. “I needed to be there for her.”
Despite receiving a cervical cerclage, a procedure that uses stitches to temporarily close the cervix to prevent preterm birth or late miscarriage, Sandra went on to lose another baby. Her daughter, Micaela, was born just over 18 weeks.
Every October 15th, the Pregnancy and Infant Loss (PAIL) Network hosts in-person Wave of Light events across Ontario at 6:45 PM local time, as well as a virtual ceremony at 6:45 PM (EST). This global event invites participants from around the world to light a candle to create a chain of light to honour and remember the children who passed away in pregnancy or as infants.
To learn more, please visit: https://pailnetwork.sunnybrook.ca/calendar/events/
Sandra explains the stress of a second loss shook her marriage. “Grief was killing us, we were drowning and didn’t realize it,” she says, adding that she eventually spoke with a grief counsellor. Her and her husband began to heal, and realized if they came pregnant again it would be a different experience.
During her fourth pregnancy, Sandra advocated for a transabdominal cerclage. Her referral to a pelvic surgeon was accelerated, and week by week, the pregnancy continued. At the same time, her outlook shifted too. “This time, it wasn’t fear. It was true strength.”
Cooper, her son, is just over a month old. While sharing her journey is emotional, Sandra says it’s important for others to know there is hope, and support.
“It’s devastating to lose a baby. But there’s help and support, and you can get there. Loss is not the end of your story.”
If you or a family member living in Ontario have been affected by a pregnancy or infant loss, please reach out to the PAIL Network for support.
