What to expect from a parent coach

Parent coaching involves professionals (parent coach) supporting caregivers in managing different parenting issues. The relationship between parent coaches and caregivers is collaborative. Parent coaches work compassionately alongside caregivers to understand their youth’s needs, reframe the process of setting expectations and develop tools and confidence in their parenting skills to meet the parent’s goals. Coaching can either take place over the phone, video or in person. A parent coach will help:

• Identify parenting and/or family goals to overcome individual or relational issues.
• Teach caregivers strategies to achieve those goals.
• Establish effective communication between caregivers and youth.
• Collaborate on effective and positive communication strategies.
• Engage the youth when they are not motivated/resistant.
• Enhance caregivers’ self-efficacy and promoting self-care.
• Work through times when caregivers and youth feel ‘stuck’.
• Offer a safe, non-judgmental space to talk about positive and negative emotions of parenting.
• Provide psychoeducation on the nature of the youth’s mental health and/or addiction issues and how these issues may relate to their youth’s behaviour.
• Promote parenting confidence.
• Support family discussion as a third party.
• Set realistic expectations and effective boundaries.
• Implement 'change plans' or 'contracts'.
• Prepare and plan for difficult events, interactions, youth behaviours, and crisis situations.
• Support parents to align their approach with their youth.

Parent coaches can help with a variety of issues. It may be helpful to consider working with a parent coach if you are hoping to:

• Seek support on your parenting duties and/or engaging with your youth.
• Gain a better understanding of your youth’s mental health and/or addiction issues.
• Work on building a stronger relationships with your youth and/or other family members.
• Further develop effective skills to guide and support your youth’s behaviours.
• Strengthen communication, problem-solving and conflict resolution skills.
• Improve your communication with the youth and/or other family members.
• Gain confidence and competence in your parenting skills.
• Set boundaries in the family.
• Maintain a balance between your own life and your caregiving responsibilities.
• Navigate family transitions and crises.
• Increase family functioning and bring positive changes in the family.

Any caregiver of a youth can access and benefit from parent coaching services. Possible clients of parent coaches include:

• Married or single parents and reconstituted families
• Step-parents
• Legal guardians
• Foster parents
• Grandparents
• A sibling in a caregiving role
• Any other person who is caregiving a youth/young adult

In two parent families, while it is not necessary for both parents to engage in parent coaching, having both parents aligned can increase effectiveness. Parent coaches can work towards bringing other parents, siblings, and/or other family members into the process. Some parent coaches can also work with teachers in schools or other health care professionals to help prepare families for treatment.

Yes. In therapy, people usually talk about their histories and how that relates to their experiences and psychological well-being. Compared to therapy, coaching is more practical, applicable at the time, skills-based and very specific to 'parenting'. Parent coaching is a short-term support with practical benefits realized in a short term.

Parent coaches implement different strategies with each family they work with. As each family’s situation is different and unique, all advice and guidance is personalized for each family. Below are some examples of how parent coaches can help families:

• Establishing effective communication between caregivers and youth
  • Parent coaches work with caregivers to learn the most effective language to use with their youth and offer different communication strategies. Additionally, parent coaches provide strategies on how to initiate important discussions with youth, how to respect a youth’s boundaries, and how to have meaningful and healthy exchanges with their youth.
  • Family example: Josh and Mei have tried numerous times to engage their son, Billy, to discuss his disruptive behaviours within the house. Each time the parents tried to speak with Billy, he walked away, laughed, or didn’t take them seriously. A parent coach worked with Josh and Mei and suggested options for finding the right time to have important discussions, choosing the right language, and how to set the tone of the conversation. With the education and support, Josh and Mei were able to eventually initiate a family discussion with Billy.
• Offering psycho-education
  • Many parent coaches have extensive knowledge about mental health and/or addictions issues. Parent coaches will take the time to educate parents about the ways mental health and/or addiction issues can influence the youth’s behaviours and the household, living and coping with stigma, and learning how to have meaningful conversations about mental health and/or addiction within the family.
  • Family example: Priya was struggling to support her son who was recently diagnosed with Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD). A parent coach working with Priya took the time to teach her about how OCD can impact the youth’s behaviours and strategies that she could implement to support her son.
• Implementing 'change plans' or 'contracts'
  • Parent coaches often support caregivers in implementing a family-based 'change plan' (also known as a 'contract' or 'agreement'). The change plan is a document that outlines the agreed upon actions and established outcomes for failing to comply and simple positive reinforcements that encourage change in a youth’s behaviour. Change plans created with parent coaches often have terms, timelines, and dates, but are also subject to periodic change through family discussion. The change plan details the expectations of the family and outline outcomes if these expectations are not met. Some benefits of implementing a change plan include:
    • Providing valuable information that can be shared with other professionals
    • Ensuring that actions are goal directed
    • Encouraging input from all members of the family
    • Providing a framework of accountability through signing the document
  • Family example: José and Fatima were feeling overwhelmed when caring for their daughter who was struggling with a serious drug addiction. Through mediated conversations, José, Fatima, their daughter, and the parent coach were able to sit down and create a 'change plan' together. This plan outlined what behaviours would not be tolerated within the house, the consequences if they occurred, and rewards for positive and healthy behaviours. This process also allows all members of the family to feel heard and accountable for their actions.
• Preparing families for crisis situations and engaging youth in treatment
  • Parent coaches can support families in preparation for a crisis situations by offering resources that match the caregivers’ parenting style and strengths, and teaching caregivers new techniques to better communicate and engage their youth. When youths are not motivated or resistant to seek treatment, parent coaches can also provide caregivers with suggestions around setting boundaries and communication strategies, to help influence youth to engage with treatment. Furthermore, parent coaches can support caregivers in communicating with service providers or care team involved in the youth’s care, such as the youth’s school, family doctor, therapist, and others to ensure smooth transitions into and between treatments.
  • Family example: Tom was a young adult who was suffering from substance abuse and was not motivated to get treatment. Tom’s mother, Mary had tried numerous times to encourage Tom to seek treatment, but he refused to leave the house and did not think that he needed help. Mary met with a parent coach, who met with her in her home to discuss some of the strategies that Mary could implement to support Tom and motivate him to consider starting treatment. When Tom was ready to begin treatment, the parent coach worked with Tom’s therapist and the treatment centre to ensure Tom and Mary’s needs were communicated.
• Providing positive communication strategies for caregivers
• Often when caregivers have a youth who is struggling with a mental health and/or addiction issues, the relationship between caregivers becomes strained. Parent coaches recognize the importance of continued and productive communication between caregivers. They will provide and encourage positive communication strategies for the caregivers.
• Family example: Ellen and Ann were trying their best to support their youth but realized that they were becoming distant from each other and often disagreed about next steps. They met with a parent coach, who provided both caregivers time and space to present their opinions. Ellen and Ann felt like they each had time to discuss their own opinions and the parent coach helped to integrate both their ideas into a coherent plan. The parent coach provided strategies to ensure positive communication between the caregivers continued outside the sessions. When their youth saw Ellen and Ann as united and consistent in the way they handled problems, tension in the home decreased.
• Establishing parenting confidence
  • Caregivers may begin to doubt their own attitudes or beliefs when their youth is unwell or displaying new or difficult behaviours. Parent coaches encourage and validate caregivers’ feelings and actions to support caregivers and ultimately boost their confidence in their parenting skills.
  • Family example: Ben was a single father whose son was using drugs daily at home. Ben lacked confidence in how he could approach his son. Working with a parent coach helped him realize that his approach and ideas were on the right track and he gained the necessary confidence to set appropriate boundaries.
• Enhancing caregivers’ self-efficacy and promoting self-care
  • Caregivers’ self-efficacy refers to beliefs in which parents hold about their capacity to parent a youth. Caregivers may feel less competent than other people in caregiving their youth with mental health and/or addiction issues. Parent coaches empower caregivers with new sets of skills and techniques to enable them to handle their parenting challenge in a positive way and further increase their self-efficacy. Parent coaches also promote self-care among caregivers by supporting them in making self-care a priority and providing simple ideas to incorporate more self-care in the caregivers’ daily lives.
  • Family example: Jamie and Emily were working hard to support their youth, but were feeling drained and overwhelmed from their caregiving responsibilities. They felt that they were not doing a good job and had no time to do things that they enjoyed. After working with a parent coach, Jamie and Emily acquired new skills to better support their youth and felt more in control and confident in their parenting skills. The parent coach also helped Jamie and Emily understand their barriers to self-care and provide them with specific steps to find time to do things that they enjoy in their daily lives.
• Mediating family discussions as a third party
  • Having conversations as a family can be a difficult task when a youth is struggling with a mental health and/or addiction issues. Parent coaches can act as unbiased third parties and can mediate and support conversations to ensure that both the caregivers and youth are given a safe space to freely speak their minds.
  • Family example: In the past, Ramil and Sarah tried to sit down with their youth to have family conversations, but the discussion always became overly emotional and ended before anyone felt satisfied. Collaborating with a parent coach was useful to ensure people were heard, respectful to each other, and that emotions were expressed without getting in the way of the conversation progressing to a more satisfying conclusion.
• Setting effective boundaries
  • When a youth is experiencing mental health and/or addiction issues, established rules and boundaries are often challenged and need to be revisited. Parent coaches work with caregivers and youth to set boundaries and establish appropriate consequences for when those boundaries are broken to ensure that the living space is safe for the entire family. Parent coaches encourage youth involvement when setting boundaries to increase their 'buy-in' and commitment to the process.
  • Family example: Alyson was not sure of the most appropriate way to react to her youth’s problematic behaviours within the house. The parent coach helped Alyson by establishing appropriate consequences and helping to enforce them. The parent coach also helped Alyson adjusting her responses to her youth’s behaviour to prevent getting to the point where her youth broke rules or boundaries, which resulted in a more positive atmosphere within the home.

Parent coaching involves more than just teaching a parent how to do something. Parent coaches often work with caregivers to help achieve their parenting goals. The process of working with a parent coach usually includes:

• An initial consultation with the family (may or may not include the youth and other family member)
• Listening to the caregivers
• Identifying caregivers goals and the behaviours/situations of concern
• Educating the parent(s) on possible strategies they could use
• Providing the tools to implement the strategies
• Reviewing the plans and family goals
• Providing guidance
• Revisiting strategies on a regular basis
• Offering encouragement and support

Some parent coaches only provide support to the caregivers or only engage the youth in a few sessions. It is best to clarify the parent coaches’ approach to working with the youth at the beginning of the session.

Parent coaching is typically a private service that is not covered by OHIP. Rates vary. Some parent coaches offer a sliding scale (i.e., a reduced cost fee structure that sometimes offered to families) which caregivers can inquire about. These parent coaches may also take individual circumstances into account when determining rate. Some public agencies may also incorporate parent coaching into their services.

Most parent coaches are flexible and work with a family to determine the length of time that they work together on a case-by-case basis. Some clients may only have a single session with a parent coach to learn a few strategies, while others may meet on a more frequent basis. Most often, parent coaching is short term and solution-focused. On average, family may benefit from 3-6 coaching session; however, the number of sessions will depends on the family’s needs and concerns. These sessions are also often scheduled apart to give the family some time to practice the skills discussed in the past sessions.

Reading a parenting book or blog can be helpful, but it may be difficult to translate things you have read into direct action in your own specific situation. Working with a parent coach provides advice and information that is specifically directed towards your family’s unique struggles and youth’s challenges. In addition, working with a parent coach is an interactive learning process which allows you to modify the plans that you make for your family in real time and in response to the changing situations and environment.

There are many parent coaches available across the Greater Toronto Area. If you are interested in working with a parent coach, search terms like 'parent coach', 'family counselling', 'parent support', 'parent consultant', 'parenting counsellor', 'parent Educator', etc in an online browser and specify the area that you live in. Spend time reading through the online profiles of different parent coaches working in your area. It is important to ensure that the parent coach has training and experience in working with families. Most parent coaches have a degree or qualifications in social work, addiction counselling, psychotherapy, or other professional affiliations. When you have found a parent coach that you think would be a good fit for your family, reach out to them to arrange a time to speak either over phone or in person. Here is a list of questions that you may want to ask a potential parent coach:

1. What are your professional qualifications and/or training related to parent coaching?
2. How long have you been working as a parent coach?
3. What is your hourly rate? Do you offer a sliding scale?
4. Do you go into family houses or do families meet with you at your office?
5. How do you deal with complex mental health and addiction issues (provide a specific diagnosis, concern, issue)?
6. How long do you usually work with families?
7. How long is a session?
8. Do you help families create contracts or change plans?
9. Do you work solely with caregivers or also the youth themselves?